Awareness of Your Motives is the 1st Step to True Authenticity
This article hopefully will become a judge-yourself-moment, in a non-threatening way. Ask yourself: Are you real? Do you connect easily with others on topics of conversation and stick to your views? Do you have authentic viewpoints, or do you use others viewpoints as facts? Are you happy with yourself? Do you love yourself? If you don’t like something do you vocalize it? Do you judge and insult others constantly? Are you condescending? Are you nice nasty? Do you smile in people’s faces, yet talk about them behind their backs negatively? In the presence of a friend are you truthful? Do you exaggerate a lot? When we consider lifestyle publications – Are You Really ‘Keeping it Real?’
I often run into people who are so conscious to impress, that confusion is inevitable for them. I find many that are confused with who they are because of defense mechanisms, fear, insecurity, inadequacy, rejection or just plain phony (fake). We all have a speckle of phony or “Halo Effect” had to put a Project Management term in. LOL! Yes back to the point at hand confusion of who they are and how they should behave or act in various settings around people. We are in the world and connected in various ways whether we’d like to be or not. We can’t live in a silo separate from others.
To cope and fit in many people exercise phony/fake syndrome which clutters their mind and causes issues that sometimes the beholder of the phony don’t realize they have. Let me ask you a question and be honest without saying names here; Have you ever met someone with the most unusually fake laugh to the point where you’re in your mind thinking,
“Really!” or you’re looking around for the camera crew of “You just got Punk’d” or some prank video. I’ve listened to many adults converse in such fake tones laugh at things they know are not funny to them or say really rude judgmental things with a smile on their face. If you listen long enough and they get too comfortable in the conversation the phony start to drift away and the real person appears slowly unless they’re really guarded. It’s totally amazing.
“I am where I stand!” “I am who I be”. “I be where I am, with whom I’m with” and, “I be everywhere I go!” What does this mean? This is a funny misuse of verbs, pronouns, future tense, and perfect tenses. It’s crazy jargon I made up but it has a valid point. I am what I am! Say it slowly, and ponder it for a second. Even in the bible, when Moses inquired during the burning bush experience, “Who are you?”
The voice he heard replied,” I AM that I AM.” I said all the ‘mumbo jumbo’ just to say, ‘I am me everywhere I go with whomever I’m around’. I’m comfortable in my skin and don’t change to impress. I’ve been teased talked about and told I was awkward. That’s the beauty of it. It makes me unique, beautiful, smart and authentic!
Some common reasons why a human may remain in-authentic, or ‘phony’ too long (to the point where they forget who they are and just survive) are listed below. Here are some prevalent actions, and the reasons why someone may be doing some of the things they do with their behavior. I’m not a psychologist, but my views are my views and I am who I be (more silly jargon lol).
First, let’s pull out some facts to bring some real psycho exact-ism into the article. There’s a theory called Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs Theory. The theory states that every human being needs the following, and base major life choices daily decisions around obtaining them, even when they think they don’t. See also the triangle above.
- Physiological Needs – Food, Water, Clothes, Shelter, Sexual Satisfaction
- Safety Needs – Freedom from fear, job, protection, security, violence, disease
- Social Needs – being part of a team, love, belonging, togetherness, approval
- Self Esteem – reputation, respect for and from others, recognition, self-confidence
- Self Actualization – full realization of potential, continuous self-improvement, creativity
Many may be thinking, ‘What is the relevance here?’ Well, let me explain. The reason this is presented as a triangle is because the basic lower level of needs that MUST be met for every human are the physiological needs. We all must have air, water, food, sleep, clothes and sexual satisfaction. Usually, if these are missing people aren’t motivated they may be seemingly bipolar they turn mean and desperate sometimes to fulfill the need they act out in violence against another, just take to fulfill the need or beg.
The next is security we all have a need for security (fight/flight), that includes knowing that when you work you will be paid and on time… that’s financial security, knowing you can afford and pay for or keep what you purchase. It is usually when humans start missing some basic needs that they may cope by being ‘phony’, due to the shame and lack and security. If you find out your company may be going out of business, that need is then stripped, and you’re in a desperate mode to find another job or another means to take care of your financial responsibilities.
Next is LOVE which includes social acceptance. Notice that according to this theory, LOVE is not included in basic needs, as a matter of fact, if you love me you’ll ensure I have my basic needs met and you will ensure the bills are paid. OK… enough of that, but you get the picture.
As you review the pyramid, the research almost speaks for itself in reference to behavior, tolerance and the original question; your authenticity. People who treat others well have good self-esteem. This has nothing to do with your outward appearance or makeup. If you have an edge or hardness about yourself as a woman, then there’s the red flag. What am I holding on to? What walls have I built up? Why am I attracting drama?
Ask yourself those hard questions. Go to a trusted friend or counselor for help. Fast and pray, and get yourself together for the sake of everyone around you. “Be the change you’d like to see”, is a famous quote by Gandhi.
So, are you true and authentic? Look in the mirror and judge yourself. It’s not too late to take off the mask, get rid of your vulnerabilities by forgiving yourself for mistakes, and forgiving others who have hurt you. Find out what makes you tick/happy/excited about living. What is your purpose? Why are you here? What are you supposed to do with your life? What would be said about you at your funeral? How many lives are you impacting right now where you are?
Release the drama queen crown, give it up and BE where we BE. True to yourself, your beliefs, your faith, purposeful with your actions and peace will overtake you. To sum it all up just BE. It’s easier said than done, but it starts with the consciousness of purposefully judging your actions and controlling your reactions.